Road trip over

So our road trip went pretty good. Unfortunately by the time we got in at 4:30am I was too tired to post last night.

It was interesting. We ended up having to separate Rose and Sammie for a few hours. I thought being 12 years apart, they wouldn’t fight like siblings close in age do but I was so wrong! Rose has discovered she likes kicking people who sit next to her and Sammie ended up having meltdowns because she hates being touched even at the best of times.

So we ended up putting John in the back with Rose and Sammie in the front while I drove. It’s a long drive but thankfully did it in decent time. Only took around an hour longer than my fastest drive of the route we took. Pretty good with two screaming kids!

So coming up to Christmas, I’m still pretty excited. Sorted out nearly all the presents tonight. Wrapped all the ones I plan to wrap. Now just gotta buy a few last minutes things on Christmas Eve (fresh food for Christmas Day) and that’s everything done.

And on a totally different topic, tonight I’m starting a new medication. Going to try valdoxan to see if it helps with my awful insomnia. It’s already making me feel drowsy so hopefully that’s a good sign. I’ll share how it goes in a few days when I see any effect (hopefully just good effects).

Good luck in all your last minute preparations for Christmas 🙂

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Chicken

Well I nearly forgot to blog tonight. I’m actually in bed, struggling to type coherently due to exhaustion.

So I saw my psychiatrist today but chickened out of giving her the letter I wrote. I did raise all the things in it except one – the one that is most bothering me that I really need to talk to her about.

Anyway, she agreed to trial me on valdoxan to see if it helps me sleep better. It may not but since it has very few side effects supposedly, it’s worth a try. I don’t think I can cope with the insomnia much longer. I’m just tired of being tired.

And I’ll talk about everything else when I’m not so tired. I must remember to write my blog earlier in the night from now on. Perhaps an early New Years resolution?

Psychiatrist appointment

So I see my psychiatrist for the first time in two? months tomorrow.  I just spent the last three hours writing a letter to her as I’m too easily distracted to say what I want to say when I take Rose with me to my appointments.  It’s only four pages long which is short for when I write down how I’m feeling for a psych of any type.  Unfortunately it means I’m all out of words for tonight.  Hopefully I’ll be awake tomorrow to write how it goes because a big part of the letter is telling her I disagree with her on something important that has been on my mind since I started seeing her so I’m hoping she takes it well.  I did end the letter by thanking her for the the great help she’s been to me this year so I hope at least if she still disagrees with me, that she sees I still respect her and appreciate all she’s done.  Wish me luck! (especially luck with waking up in a few hours!!!)

Making Christmas arrangements

Very much looking forward to holidays. Just one more shift to go.

Enjoying making arrangements to catch up with family and friends for christmas.  I think my holidays are going to be very busy!

Not going to write much tonight as I’ve got to be up for work in 6 hours and desperately need sleep as I’m so sore and tired but at least I can sleep in a little on monday.

Sometimes I am ashamed to have ever been a mental health professional

Earlier this year I joined a group for mental health nurses that has a facebook page.  They like to post interesting news articles on mental health in Australia, particularly ones that relate to nursing.  Today’s one was:

Emergency Departments Failing Those Who Have Attempted Suicide

Have a read.  I think the study is exactly spot on!  Both with what I’ve been through personally and witnessed professionally.

Yet the comments on it were atrocious!  So many of my fellow mental health nurses are just so stunningly delusional about what goes on in the public health system.  Some deny it happens altogether and just say these people complaining must all be druggies and/or suffering from antisocial personality disorder who don’t like waitin a short while to be seen.  (this is ignoring that people who have attempted suicide are usually in urgent need of medical attention and are generally triaged as category one, so assuming they are even conscious when they are brought in, they rarely have to wait).

Others gave the usual garbage about the suicide attempts not being genuine attempts and are just attention seeking self harm (ignoring that most self harm is not attention seeking and that the survey asked consumers if it was a suicide attempt as opposed to self harm and those surveyed had no reason to claim it was suicide when it wasn’t – those who had self harmed, not attempted suicide were not included in the data on suicide attempts).

But they all pretty much claimed it didn’t happen where they worked.  I swear some people live in a fantasy land!  While I loved 3 of the 4 mental health places I’ve worked in, I would never for a second pretend that every single patient was treated properly by every single professional, every single time.  It only takes a handful of bad professionals to lead to the high figures of people who have been treated poorly – if a consumer sees a dozen or more staff during their hospital stay, only one of them has to be bad for the consumer to be traumatised by the experience.  And it’s more traumatising when other professionals deny what is going on right in front of their faces!

I must admit, part of the problems is many abusers either abuse consumers when no one else is around, or when there is only other people around who won’t be believed (such as other consumers) or when they are around other staff they know will turn a blind eye to it – abusers aren’t stupid.  They won’t abuse a consumer in front of someone they know will report bad behaviour.  But to deny it happens because they personally haven’t seen the mistreatment?  That’s just plain incompetent ignorance.

and it’s exactly why I went into mental health in the first place – because it seems that the profession is full of people who either turn a blind eye to the abuse that occurs, or people who delude themselves into thinking it doesn’t happen.  It’s heartbreaking though that so many people fall into one of those two categories.  I want to stand up for the consumers who other professionals won’t listen to and I want to educate my colleagues on the devastating effects of denying the abuses and denial of treatment some people go through.

Anyway, I’m going to go to bed – have to be up in five hours and Sammie has given me her killer sore throat so not feeling the best.  And if I stay on any longer, I’m going to tell people in an online “support” group what I really think of people who say bullies who drive someone to suicide are not at all to blame for the person committing suicide.  I hate people who defend bullies and can’t see that the bully is to blame for the trauma the victim suffers.  Good night all.

Forgetful

Hmmm, well I forgot two important things yesterday.  My morning medication and to write my blog.  I didn’t remember either until I was in bed.  Today I’ve done better.  I hate being forgetful.  I really do.

Even though I’ve remember my blog tonight, I’m not going to write much as I’m still trying to shake off the migraine from yesterday from missing my medication.  I did take them today but still can’t shake off the headache.

I have a morning shift tomorrow so going to have an early night very soon if I can convince Rose it’s time to go to bed.

I also don’t have a lot to write tonight.  My week has been quiet, basically just been doing housework (lots of it) and sorting and unpacking.  Which has been quite therapeutic.  The house feels slightly less cluttered.

Had my last appointment with the psychologist who has been trying to help me with my PTSD.  Not sure it’s helped my PTSD but it definitely helped my depression and kept me going when things were really tough knowing I had a professional who genuinely wanted to help and took me seriously.

And on that note, I’m off to bed before I fall asleep on the keyboard.