Road trip over

So our road trip went pretty good. Unfortunately by the time we got in at 4:30am I was too tired to post last night.

It was interesting. We ended up having to separate Rose and Sammie for a few hours. I thought being 12 years apart, they wouldn’t fight like siblings close in age do but I was so wrong! Rose has discovered she likes kicking people who sit next to her and Sammie ended up having meltdowns because she hates being touched even at the best of times.

So we ended up putting John in the back with Rose and Sammie in the front while I drove. It’s a long drive but thankfully did it in decent time. Only took around an hour longer than my fastest drive of the route we took. Pretty good with two screaming kids!

So coming up to Christmas, I’m still pretty excited. Sorted out nearly all the presents tonight. Wrapped all the ones I plan to wrap. Now just gotta buy a few last minutes things on Christmas Eve (fresh food for Christmas Day) and that’s everything done.

And on a totally different topic, tonight I’m starting a new medication. Going to try valdoxan to see if it helps with my awful insomnia. It’s already making me feel drowsy so hopefully that’s a good sign. I’ll share how it goes in a few days when I see any effect (hopefully just good effects).

Good luck in all your last minute preparations for Christmas 🙂

Packing

So soon I hope to be off on our road trip for Christmas. I feel like we’ve got a month’s worth of packing, washing and cleaning to do before we can leave.

Starting to get excited but also very stressed about getting away.

Chicken

Well I nearly forgot to blog tonight. I’m actually in bed, struggling to type coherently due to exhaustion.

So I saw my psychiatrist today but chickened out of giving her the letter I wrote. I did raise all the things in it except one – the one that is most bothering me that I really need to talk to her about.

Anyway, she agreed to trial me on valdoxan to see if it helps me sleep better. It may not but since it has very few side effects supposedly, it’s worth a try. I don’t think I can cope with the insomnia much longer. I’m just tired of being tired.

And I’ll talk about everything else when I’m not so tired. I must remember to write my blog earlier in the night from now on. Perhaps an early New Years resolution?

Psychiatrist appointment

So I see my psychiatrist for the first time in two? months tomorrow.  I just spent the last three hours writing a letter to her as I’m too easily distracted to say what I want to say when I take Rose with me to my appointments.  It’s only four pages long which is short for when I write down how I’m feeling for a psych of any type.  Unfortunately it means I’m all out of words for tonight.  Hopefully I’ll be awake tomorrow to write how it goes because a big part of the letter is telling her I disagree with her on something important that has been on my mind since I started seeing her so I’m hoping she takes it well.  I did end the letter by thanking her for the the great help she’s been to me this year so I hope at least if she still disagrees with me, that she sees I still respect her and appreciate all she’s done.  Wish me luck! (especially luck with waking up in a few hours!!!)

Making Christmas arrangements

Very much looking forward to holidays. Just one more shift to go.

Enjoying making arrangements to catch up with family and friends for christmas.  I think my holidays are going to be very busy!

Not going to write much tonight as I’ve got to be up for work in 6 hours and desperately need sleep as I’m so sore and tired but at least I can sleep in a little on monday.

Sometimes I am ashamed to have ever been a mental health professional

Earlier this year I joined a group for mental health nurses that has a facebook page.  They like to post interesting news articles on mental health in Australia, particularly ones that relate to nursing.  Today’s one was:

Emergency Departments Failing Those Who Have Attempted Suicide

Have a read.  I think the study is exactly spot on!  Both with what I’ve been through personally and witnessed professionally.

Yet the comments on it were atrocious!  So many of my fellow mental health nurses are just so stunningly delusional about what goes on in the public health system.  Some deny it happens altogether and just say these people complaining must all be druggies and/or suffering from antisocial personality disorder who don’t like waitin a short while to be seen.  (this is ignoring that people who have attempted suicide are usually in urgent need of medical attention and are generally triaged as category one, so assuming they are even conscious when they are brought in, they rarely have to wait).

Others gave the usual garbage about the suicide attempts not being genuine attempts and are just attention seeking self harm (ignoring that most self harm is not attention seeking and that the survey asked consumers if it was a suicide attempt as opposed to self harm and those surveyed had no reason to claim it was suicide when it wasn’t – those who had self harmed, not attempted suicide were not included in the data on suicide attempts).

But they all pretty much claimed it didn’t happen where they worked.  I swear some people live in a fantasy land!  While I loved 3 of the 4 mental health places I’ve worked in, I would never for a second pretend that every single patient was treated properly by every single professional, every single time.  It only takes a handful of bad professionals to lead to the high figures of people who have been treated poorly – if a consumer sees a dozen or more staff during their hospital stay, only one of them has to be bad for the consumer to be traumatised by the experience.  And it’s more traumatising when other professionals deny what is going on right in front of their faces!

I must admit, part of the problems is many abusers either abuse consumers when no one else is around, or when there is only other people around who won’t be believed (such as other consumers) or when they are around other staff they know will turn a blind eye to it – abusers aren’t stupid.  They won’t abuse a consumer in front of someone they know will report bad behaviour.  But to deny it happens because they personally haven’t seen the mistreatment?  That’s just plain incompetent ignorance.

and it’s exactly why I went into mental health in the first place – because it seems that the profession is full of people who either turn a blind eye to the abuse that occurs, or people who delude themselves into thinking it doesn’t happen.  It’s heartbreaking though that so many people fall into one of those two categories.  I want to stand up for the consumers who other professionals won’t listen to and I want to educate my colleagues on the devastating effects of denying the abuses and denial of treatment some people go through.

Anyway, I’m going to go to bed – have to be up in five hours and Sammie has given me her killer sore throat so not feeling the best.  And if I stay on any longer, I’m going to tell people in an online “support” group what I really think of people who say bullies who drive someone to suicide are not at all to blame for the person committing suicide.  I hate people who defend bullies and can’t see that the bully is to blame for the trauma the victim suffers.  Good night all.

Forgetful

Hmmm, well I forgot two important things yesterday.  My morning medication and to write my blog.  I didn’t remember either until I was in bed.  Today I’ve done better.  I hate being forgetful.  I really do.

Even though I’ve remember my blog tonight, I’m not going to write much as I’m still trying to shake off the migraine from yesterday from missing my medication.  I did take them today but still can’t shake off the headache.

I have a morning shift tomorrow so going to have an early night very soon if I can convince Rose it’s time to go to bed.

I also don’t have a lot to write tonight.  My week has been quiet, basically just been doing housework (lots of it) and sorting and unpacking.  Which has been quite therapeutic.  The house feels slightly less cluttered.

Had my last appointment with the psychologist who has been trying to help me with my PTSD.  Not sure it’s helped my PTSD but it definitely helped my depression and kept me going when things were really tough knowing I had a professional who genuinely wanted to help and took me seriously.

And on that note, I’m off to bed before I fall asleep on the keyboard.

Interesting articles

Tonight I thought I’d just post some links to interesting articles on topics that interest me.  Not very original I know, but it’s better than nothing I guess.  So here they are….

ADHD is different for women

The connection between PTSD and Bipolar

The divide between consumers and professionals

The insidious form of domestic violence no one talks about

Nearly forgot to post tonight

Actually twice now I’ve gone to write a post tonight, got distracted and forgotten.  Was just to go about to go to bed and then thought, oops I better remember this time.

Not that anything exciting happened today and far too tired to write anything exciting about my past.  I did get a lot of housework done though.  An endless supply of washing, the dishes and lots and lots of sorting that I’ve been wanting to do for a while that I haven’t even attempted since I got out of hospital and was hypomanic.  I’m not hypomanic now…. just feeling the pressure of going away coming up.  Even though my house is a disaster because I’m usually too exhausted and in too much pain to tackle it, I despite disorder.

I also feel good because I’ve been able to give away some stuff to make more space around the house.  Not heaps of stuff, but enough that I feel like I’ve made a difference.  Waiting for half of it to be picked up still, but hoping that will happen tomorrow.  I always feel such an achievement when I managed to get rid of stuff.  I know my OCD is only mild, but I just hate letting go of things.  So being able to get rid of anything without having an anxious break down is really good for me.

And that was the extent of my day.  I have a rare day off tomorrow with Rose at childcare, no work, no medical appointments, no other appointments, so I’m hoping to finally catch up on some sleep, then keep sorting and hopefully get rid of some more stuff, and if I’m really lucky I might just make it to the gym too.

In the news

Well tonight’s post I decided I’d talk about two things I read in the news.

The first is a quickie… Click here to read.  A video taken of NSW police beating up an unarmed woman.  Of course, she’s the one who is charged, not the police.  Which is a typical response of state police these days it would seem. Of course I wasn’t there, but video doesn’t lie and police often do lie.  Their claim of course is that she punched them, but of course they refuse to produce the evidence of their claims.  As I wasn’t there, I can’t be 100% sure, but it sounds like many other cases – someone calls the cops on a person/people they are disagreeing with, the cops side with the person who made the complaint without investigating what actually happened, they lash out at the accused and violently assault them, then afterwards make up claims that the person assaulted them and despite having no evidence of their claims and lots of evidence of their brutality, they are allowed to get away with it.

And the second piece of news I was reading about in the last 24 hours is Rudy Simone’s “coming out” that she no longer identifies as autistic and that diet “cured” her aspergers.  For those who don’t know, Rudy Simone is a very famous author in the area of women and girls with aspergers.  I’ve read several of her books and found them really helpful.

While I’m a firm believer that a healthy diet can help to varying degrees with just about anything with a psychological component (mental illness, stress, ADHD, aspergers etc), it is by no means a “cure” anymore than painkillers are a “cure” for a broken leg.  A good diet for aspergers, is exactly like painkillers for a broken leg – it won’t fix the underlying condition but it will help those who are suffering from unwanted symptoms (eg meltdowns, shutdowns, anxiety etc for ASD, and pain for a broken leg) to quieten the unwanted symptom while the underlying condition is treated.

I’m not even sure “treated” is a good description for autism as it is a huge spectrum.  The relative difference a healthy diet would make really depends on how severe a person’s negative traits are (as everyone with ASD has various degrees of positive and negative traits of it), as well as what particular traits a person has more of (eg whether social anxiety is a big trait for them, whether they are an introvert or extrovert as you can definitely get extroverted aspies, etc).  I can imagine someone who has only mild negative traits finds diet sufficient to quieten their traits enough to “no longer identify as an aspie”, but firstly I find it offensive because it’s basically saying being an aspie is a negative thing and if a person can pass as not being aspie, then that is somehow “good”, and secondly, it ignores the overwhelming majority of aspies who have different or more severe negative traits where the healthiest diet in the world will make little or no difference.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not against healthy eating.  I think a healthy diet is a fantastic idea.  It wards off so many physical health problems, it can have a good mental health effect (again, the effect varies from person to person and a healthy diet won’t cure a mental illness but it may have at least some effect on making a mental illness easier to cope with) and for those with chronic health problems, it can prevent or slow down deterioration sometimes.  But a good diet isn’t some magical cure to every health problem known to mankind.

To be honest, I’m pretty disappointed in Rudy’s “coming out” that she no longer identifies as having aspergers.  Aspergers isn’t something that goes away.  And it implies that it is something negative that needs to be gotten rid of.  Ultimately aspergers is just a different way of thinking.  Like the apple versus PC analogy.  Different operating systems have their pros and cons.  Depending on what you’re looking for in a computer or a person, will influence on whether you see the pros more or the cons more.  If price is a big deal for you, apples are going to suck.  But there are things apple computers are better for than PCs – if money is no problem, than an apple would be better for some people.

When it comes to aspie versus neurotypical, again it comes down to what you’re looking for.  I much prefer aspies because they are brutally honest, no gameplaying, and they think outside the box and don’t just follow rules for the sake of following rules.  So if you like brutal honesty and creative solutions, an aspie is for you.  However, if you want warm fuzzies instead of honesty, if you want someone who will follow orders without question and who will do whatever the majority does to fit in, then you’re going to prefer someone who is neurotypical.  I hate comparing people to objects, but it’s about the right tool for the right job – a hammer isn’t going to help you fix a computer (although it might make you feel better to take a hammer to your computer lol).

Ultimately it’s what frustrates me about the people who want to cure or get rid of autistic spectrum disorders.  First up, it’s genetic (whether it’s inherited or develops in utero – or more likely both depending on the person).  A genetic disease cannot truly be “cured” short of eugenics – which sadly a lot of people seem to want to do, looking for a test in utero for ASD or just outright aborting boy babies because they have fallen for the myth that boys have a much incidence of ASD.  But secondly, if society got its collective heads out of its collective bums, and just simply accepted people who are different instead of forcing people to all be lemmings blindly following the dictates of the majority opinion, then the majority of problems that people with ASD would disappear.  Some problems would still exist, but the reality is every single human being has problems and issues.  People who don’t have ASD simply have a different set of problems, they don’t magically have no problems at all.

I am proud of who I am, aspergers and all.  Having aspergers is in many ways a blessing.  It gives me my creative edge. It gives me the desire to not want to blindly follow the masses.  It gives me the positive parts of being obsessive compulsive.  And yes there are negative – I am incredibly socially awkward, I constantly am saying the wrong thing, I can only handle being around people for limited periods of time and more.  But I wouldn’t trade all the positives simply to get rid of the negatives.

Anyway, that’s my thoughts on some of the things in the news I’ve read in the last 24 hours.  I don’t really have any personal news to talk about tonight.  Survived work the last two days.  Counting down to holidays now – have three shifts next week if I can survive them, then four weeks off!