A difficult topic – trigger warning – pregnancy loss

After my post about my girls, I have had a topic on my mind that might be painful for some to read about but is one that often too many people that have been through it don’t feel safe to open up about.  I’m talking about the topic of pregnancy loss.

It’s not easy for me to talk about, so I apologise if this post jumps around.  I have talked about it to a few trusted friends, but even then it usually comes out as mish-mash of feelings, but after the long post about my girls the other night, I felt the need to talk about my other little girl, the one whose personality I will never get to know. Continue reading

Old posts April 2002

These posts come from a depression support forum I was a member of.  They were from a section about medications.  They start from the first time I went to hospital for my depression in April when I was suicidal and just sent me home with a medication I should never have been given and at a dangerously high dose.  I haven’t included other people’s posts for privacy reasons so if it feels like parts of conversations are missing, that is probably why. Continue reading

My family

Well it’s been an interesting week.  My parents have my house left but will be back Thursday. My sister leaves tomorrow and my mother in law is staying til Friday.  Other than constantly bickering with each other, my parents were well behaved.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but there is a lot I don’t like about them. Continue reading

A few rambling thoughts – what it feels like to be different

I never know how to start my entries. I’d like my blog to be something profound, something interesting, something that makes a difference to others.  I want it to be something intelligent and useful.  But I don’t think it will be.  But I will continue to blog anyway.

I came up with the title of my blog because I feel unique.  I have also liked the saying “I’m unique, just like everyone else” because all humans are unique.  But I have always felt a little different from most people. Continue reading

Another old post following up some of the details on my previous post – September 2002

This post is a reply I wrote on a depression support forum to someone who was having a bad experience with her psychiatrist.  The file is dated 29th Sepember 2002 so I’m guessing it’s when I wrote it.  It shares some of what I went through in 2002 and some of my history up until that point. Continue reading

A copy of a few old posts from May 2002 – self harm trigger warning.

First I thought I’d introduce the topic.  In 1997 I was diagnosed with major depression after severe depressive episodes.  I had a few more mild depressive episodes from 1998-2000 and in 2001 I began a long episode of severe depression, the worst episode I have ever had.  In early 2002 I was diagnosed as bipolar.  Later I was then misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder based solely on the symptom of self harming.  I have since had it repeatedly confirmed that I don’t have borderline PD, but the fact that I was misdiagnosed in 2002 is what led to the psychiatric abuse I suffered and being reminded of the misdiagnosis is very traumatising for me and is a trigger for my PTSD.

These posts are from I think my first or second admission to a  psych ward. Continue reading

Psychologists, psychiatrists, misdiagnoses and understanding.

Well it’s been a long day.  I worked a morning shift today after an evening shift last night so very tired.  But I wanted to write before heading to bed.

So I was writing about the meeting with my case manager on Thursday, two days ago.  I probably should have started with my appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday.  I decided to ask my psychiatrist a big question that has been on my mind for years. In the last 13 years I have seen literally dozens of psychiatrists, psychiatric registrars, psychologists and more. I’ve had dozens of diagnoses, most of them being misdiagnoses.  At best, this has led to incorrect treatments, mostly it has led to no treatment, and sometimes it has led to mistreatment and outright abuse. Continue reading