I’m Baaacckk…..

Yet again, apologies for the very long time since I wrote a personal post.  I think early December was my last post.  A lot has happened since then obviously.  Some good, some bad, but going well now.

I didn’t get the job I was waiting to hear back from in December, but since then I’ve started a fantastic job. So I don’t regret not getting it.  The one from last year, I wasn’t particularly interested in.  When it comes to employment, for a while there, I kind of gave up on applying for work and just enjoyed being a stay at home mum with Rose (with some days in childcare because she is getting more and more a hyperactive toddler every day, and there are just some medical appointments I have that can’t be done with a toddler in tow).

But every time a job came up that was something I am passionate about or that piqued my interested  or just the rare job where the pay was more than what childcare costs and minus the family payments we lose when we both work, I would still apply.  Of course the main issue is that nearly every job I found that I could do with all my health issues, were jobs that I could only manage to do part time and the employers were only looking for full time staff.  Sadly I missed out on a job I was really passionate about earlier this year because they were only looking for full time staff until at least next year.

I think I would have been devastated at the time except for the fact that I found what is now my current job.  My current job actually isn’t in healthcare.  It’s an industry I never thought I would apply for.  At this stage  I won’t share what it is I do as a girl has to have some secrets 😉  Nah… It’s mainly that I have and will continue to share very personal stuff in my life on this blog and it’s why I don’t use my family or friend’s real names, it’s why I avoid details about where we live, and somewhat avoid naming former employers I’ve dealt with.

And as much as I’d like to name some of the horror health organisations and other organisations I’ve dealt with in the past, most of them I won’t name specifically.  There are some I have and will name, but most I won’t.

So I won’t be naming where I work, or even what industry I’m working in, but I will share that it’s not healthcare.  The interesting thing about it, is that I was hired through a recruitment drive for people with aspergers.

I have recently been reading a few news articles in major newspapers about employers who run hiring programs for people with aspergers and much to my disappointment, even though the articles themselves were mainly positive, so many of the comments were extremely negative – both from neurotypical people and aspies themselves.  Many of the NT commenters were highly critical of such programs because there is a feeling that the aspies who get these jobs are getting an unfair advantage, while a lot of the aspie commenters felt that employers were just doing it to take advantage of autistic people.

It’s something that I found very sad.  My personal experience is that it has been neither.  After what has been a difficult 12 months for me and my family (something I won’t go into in this post or I’ll be writing all night), starting my new job has been life changing.    Even though the ridiculous cost of childcare means I’d actually be better off being a stay at home than working, at least until Rose starts school, for the first time since Sammie was born, I’ve been able to find a job that I can physically work five days a week.  Not quite full time but close enough.

After having worked in this job for a few months now, I definitely don’t feel like we’ve been given an unfair advantage, but at the same time, we’re definitely not being taken advantage of either.  For the first time in my life, I feel like my skills are being fully utilised, while at the same time, feeling like for the first time my skills are being recognised and rewarded.

To be honest, when I started to write this post of mine tonight, itdidn’t really have a theme other than to reassure my few readers that I am still alive and doing well.   I always like to have a theme for my posts – call it an obsessive trait of wanting anything I write to have a useful meaning.  But now that I have written it, I realised my post does have a theme, albeit unintentional.

The theme of my post tonight I realise is one of hope.  Or at least I’d like to think it is.  I’d like to reassure anyone reading my post that no matter what you’ve been through in life, or even what you are going through in life right now, that there is hope out there for your life to improve.

I’ve been through a lot in life – domestic violence, all sorts of abuse, severe depression, all the bullying and lost opportunities that go along with being “different” from “normal” because of my aspergers.  But despite all of that, I have a husband and two kids who I adore, I have a job that inspires me, where I’m treated with respect and genuinely like all the people  I work with, a job where I don’t have to explain my quirks, and where I’m not judged for my physical health issues (supported in taking time off for health reasons, not pushed beyond my physical capability to do my job, etc).  And what’s more, I’m still doing work that fulfils my passion to do something that I feel genuinely makes a difference, and for the first time ever in a job, I feel like I’m doing something that is intellectually stimulating as well.

In fact it’s inspired me so much that I’m planning to return to university next year. I’m not sure if I’ll be accepted into the course I’ve applied for as I’m missing a key pre-requisite, but because I’m a mature age student with lots of other study and with lots of varied work and life experience, it’s looking promising.  I’m hoping to have an answer within the next few weeks when early offers come out.

Of course I’m still a realist.  There are some things in my life that aren’t perfect and enver will be.  Since I posted last, my health continues to slowly get worse.  I can’t remember if I shared it in December last year, but I had an operation to fix a wrist problem last year, and later this year I will having the same done again to my other wrist and this time also having some other surgery done to that arm at the same time.  And at the moment, I’m also waiting on X-ray results on my left wrist after a fall a  week ago (tripping on Rose’s things).  I’m hoping it’s not broken, but at the same time, if it’s more ligament damage, it will probably a long time to heal and typing is painful – a lot more painful than I let on to anyone because I’m tired of having to explain to people (especially doctors!) how bad my various pains are.

But while pain is a frustrating daily occurrence that stops me from doing a lot of things I would like to do, the one thing it hasn’t stopped me from doing is living a meaningful life where I am happy.  I don’t think I would ever end up describing my life as being “just normal” but for the first time in my life, I feel like overall, I am genuinely enjoying life.  It’s not an easy life, especially health-wise, but I am enjoying life.

Anyway, I apologise for a post that has been a little bit aimless, but I mainly wanted to reassure people that I’m alive, I’m ok and I’m in a good place.  I am super tired as I’m very much not used to working five days a week (for more than 4 weeks at a time anyway), so I’m not even sure my post has been anything other than a ramble, but I did want to reassure people that no matter how bad things are in your life right now, your future has hope.

Until I write again…. take care 🙂




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