Life goes on

So I decided this year I’m going to be more chilled out about posting.  I had been feeling disappointed after m month or so off writing while I was away but then I realised I was putting way too much pressure on myself to come up with something every single day.  So this year I’ve decided to write a post at least once a week.  I may write more if I feel the burning desire to put fingers to keyboard (“pen to paper”) but I no longer feel the pressure to force myself to write every day.

So as I mentioned in my last post, a lot has happened in the last two months, but yet again I’ve left it too late at night to write about it.  I cried for the first time since my nana’s death.  Hearing the news that my husband’s grandmother is ill and is having risky surgery I think is what finally led me to tears.  I know she is not my biological relative, but she is still dear family to me – like the rest of my husband’s family, she has kindly gone out of her way to welcome me and Sammie into the family and like the rest of my husband’s family, I treasure her as if she was my own grandmother.  So I hope and pray she pulls through and makes a full recovery.

In other quick news, my husband and I think we finally may be able to buy a bigger home.  No more living like sardines!  Of course it hasn’t been an easy journey.  It’s not our dream home – but to buy our dream home, we’d need at least $80K more and we definitely couldn’t afford that right now.  But it is close enough to what we want, that we’ll be happy.

The little hiccups along the way are that there are issues with the sellers not speaking english and have never sold a house before so they haven’t done a lot of the required things they are supposed to before trying to sell (but we’re working through that) and then we have to sort out our loan.  We hope we have the required income and we should (since we were supposedly only $20K short of the $560K loan when we were trying to buy 18 months ago), but it’s just a matter of going through the application and approval process.  The only problem I’m worried about is that I’m still considered a temporary worker.  I mean, my work has just got me to sign another contract for 6 months, and constantly say that as long as I work well, there will be work, but banks don’t tend to just like taking an employer’s word for it.

But these are all things that we’re working through and we hope and pray that we’ll find a way through it all.  And we’re sure we will.

Mentally, I’m doing well.  I feel sad about losing my nana, but sadness/grief is not the same as depression.  I’ve started my next placement at work (been there a week so far) and apart from the usual levels of social phobia in any new situation, my anxiety is pretty much under control.  I’m amazed that I don’t have the crushing anxiety I did six months ago where I reached the point where I genuinely wanted to die rather than going to work, so it goes to show how I’ve come in just six months and that obviously the cymbalta is the right med for me for now.

Physically, I’m not doing so well.  I know part of it is the fact that I ended up having six weeks off work and six weeks off going to the gym, so going back to work was a real shock to the system.  It’s just the usual – knees playing up really bad, back is really bad when I’m at work, really run down and exhausted, blisters after being on my feet all day.  Just the usual anyone would get when returning to something physical after a significant amount of time of inactivity.  So I hope I’ll be back to my usual fitness and pain levels within a few weeks.  Which in itself is not fantastic but it’s manageable.

There is so much more I could write about, but I’m hoping to get up and be awake enough in the morning to do some fun things with Rose tomorrow morning now Sammie is back at school.  So goodnight all.

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