After yesterday’s long post, I thought I’d just write a short one tonight. Feeling emotionally quite good after opening up on here last night. It was so draining getting it all out, but afterwards I feel lighter. I think it’s so important for abuse survivors to share their stories – both for themselves ( to release it) and for other victims and survivors to know they are not alone, so hopefully they can travel further on their journey of healing from the abuse.
I think too, after writing my post last night, it helped me get a good night’s sleep. No nightmares for a change. And I even managed to go back to bed after the girls went to school/childcare (I love wednesdays on the ones when I’m not rostered on to work!) so I got a few hours more sleep before it got too hot to sleep.
Probably a good thing as I’m still recovering from seeing the dentist yesterday afternoon. The good news is two days of rest and my knees are nearly back to (my) normal. In other news, after seeing the pain specialist yesterday, he is still not wanting to do another back injection (because I’ve had a heap of other cortisone injections in the rest of me this year and he’s worried about the effect on my body with that much cortisone in it) but has said he’s recommending to my GP to restart a medication I used to be on called plaquenil (which I had stopped to try and conceive Rose as it can cause severe birth defects apparently). So with a little bit of luck, that will help things too.
Other than that, I think I’ve written enough about my past last night to last a few days at least, my present isn’t particularly exciting (just work, looking after the kids and house, and medical appointments) and that just leaves my future. My long term future plans are still the same (go back to mental health nursing, buy a bigger house, maybe have another baby) and my short term future plans are just to hang in another three weeks at work until I have 4 weeks off for christmas. Really looking forward to that.
And that’s the sum total of my existence lately. And I must say, I’m content. It’s nice having suffered so deeply with depression and PTSD on and off my entire adult life, and in between even when I haven’t been depressed, I have struggled with so many things like health and poverty and an abusive husband (and later stalker exhusband). It’s nice to reach a point in life where I am truly content. Things aren’t perfect – my health is far from it, our housing situation is difficult and so is our financial situation. But I have a husband who I adore and who feels the same way about me, I have two wonderful kids, I have a few great friends, I have a great church and I have a job that is satisfying. Life is okay and okay is more than enough to be content with.