Nothing exciting again

Despite being able to think of a dozen topics tonight, I am just not up to writing a proper blog post tonight.  All day long I’ve been battling a headache and, while the carpal tunnel syndrome in my left hand (the one I had injected last week) is doing so much better, my right hand is really bad tonight.

Rose and I had a quiet day at home today – mainly because John accidentally took the baby car seat to work.  It meant I missed an appointment with my pain occupational therapist, but she was really nice and understanding about it.   Poor Rose appears to have gastro again, so been changing lots and lots of nappies today.  Hopefully by tomorrow it may have passed.

Found out the private rheumatologist I asked to be referred to is not taking new adult patients.  I haven’t quite decided what to do yet.  Even though I’ve been mistreated by just as many female doctors as male doctors, I don’t find female doctors scary for some reason.  Unfortunately there only seems to be two female rheumatologists where I live, neither of which are taking new patients.  I’m going to think about it for a few days and decide what to do.  I know I should just face my fear of male doctors head on, but every time I do that, I’ve ended up with someone who is either incompetent or ignores what I say.  I’ve just had some really bad experiences.

Even when I’ve seen specialists who are supposed to be at the top of their field, I’ve had issues because they haven’t listened to me.  One private orthopaedic doctor I saw, who was really good in one way (picked up a few things that several public system doctors had missed), was really disappointing in other ways.  He gave me a copy of his report to my GP and the amount of misinformation in it was astonishing.  I know what I was seeing him about what complicated – he is a hand and wrist specialist and I have at least three distinct different problems in my wrist – but all the symptoms I told him I have, were very different from the ones in his report. As well as writing some very hurtful unnecessary comments about my self harm scars.

Also my experience with rheumatologists hasn’t been great.  The last one I saw two years ago (after having waited years in the public system to be seen) was entirely clueless.  They claimed the only treatment for fibromyalgia was to lose weight – which is not true at all. There are multiple treatments including many medications.  They tried to take me off the medication I was taking for my arthritis because they were not experience with seronegative arthritis.  They didn’t test for an auto immune condition that runs in my family that I have the symptoms of and genetically pretty much guaranteed to have.  And when I got my medical records, they did diagnose me as potentially having another condition from the symptoms I had but didn’t refer me for the genetic testing to confirm it or not – and didn’t mention the possibility to me.

So am really hoping to find a good rheumatologist I can trust this time.  Especially as I’ll have to go private and it will be quite expensive and things are going to be tough financially for a while.

I am just sitting here, wishing I had something exciting or interesting or serious to say every night.  I do have some important topics I’d love to write on, but it’s a struggle to find the strength inside to write them.  I’ve been planning to write about my childhood for a few days now, but it’s really hard to actually get the words out.

I’ve actually been trying to write this post since this morning (over 12 hours ago).  I haven’t sat here the whole time obviously – I even managed to make it out to bible study group tonight and had a really good time – but I keep coming back to this screen and been unable to write about any topic that others might find interesting.

So feel free to ignore this post.  It’s more just a way of me checking in with my mental and physical health today.  It’s my journey and sometimes my journey is uninteresting – but I don’t mind uninteresting days.  It means nothing bad happened and it can be rather restful too.

So I am happy with my restful day ( or as restful as chasing a very hyperactive 10 month old can be).  For my readers, I hope you were happy with your day, whether it was interesting or relaxing.


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