My day and my current mental state

Most of my posts so far have focused on my history so I thought I’d write one about the present.

Normally on a Tuesday I’d be running around doing a million things.  It’s school holidays now, but during the school term I’d usually be going to a support group for mums with post natal depression. Tuesday afternoons has been time for therapy appointments.  So it was nice to have a quiet day.  Especially having my MIL here to watch Rose to get a few extra hours sleep.

John has left for interstate work conference and Jessie has left for home.  So it’s me, Rose, Sammie and MIL for a few days.  It will be weird having an all girl house for the week.  I think it will be fun but I’ll miss John a lot.  He goes away for work several times a year and life isn’t the same without him at home. I’m glad he’s not a FIFO worker or in the army or anything.  I know I would survive – I survived separating from my first husband which, even though it’s something I did to protect Sammie, it still broke my heart to do it.  But I’m very glad that the most time I spend away from John is only a week or two maximum.

As I’ve mentioned, John has aspergers.  Because of this, he’s not one for big displays of affection. So when he displays affection, it is genuine and from the bottom of his heart and something I treasure.  Before he left, he told me he’d miss me.  It means a lot to me, the fact he misses me when he’s away it’s a big thing for him so it’s special to me that he loves me that much.

He has been my rock through my last episode of depression and continues to be my rock.  His support has helped me get to where I am now.  Where I am now is in a good place.  Having bipolar means being in a good place is somewhere that can be hard to get to.  I don’t know how long it will last but I’m not going to let my fear of getting depressed stop me from enjoying life now.

Things aren’t perfect, the PTSD will always be there – flashbacks, nightmares, fear of certain places – but things are so much better with that too.  So my mental state is good.

Part of the healing process is to share my story, so I will keep sharing it over time.  I just appreciate everyone who is taking the time to read what I write.  Thanks.

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